Practice Gratitude In Your Marriage
by Erin
Grace D’Acunto
Long-term studies support gratitude’s
effectiveness, suggesting that a positive, appreciative attitude contributes to
greater success in many areas, including marriages.
While we may acknowledge
gratitude’s many benefits, it still can be difficult to sustain. Many of us
have been inadvertently “trained” to more quickly notice what is broken or
lacking in our lives. The negative tends to stand out and be remembered much
more rapidly and easily than the positive. Think of any negative experience (i.e.
at a restaurant) and then think of a positive experience. Unless the positive
experience is far beyond other positive experiences you’ve had, (when dining
out), most people will be quick to tell about a negative experience before the
positive one.
For gratitude to meet its full
healing potential in our lives, we have to learn a new way of looking at
things; a new habit. That can take some time. I have personally done it and no,
it does not happen quickly. Any
changes in ways of thinking literally have
to make new paths in your brain. Like walking through the woods, you have to
travel the same spot repeatedly, to leave an imprint.
My
change came about because of the extreme, emotionally trying circumstances I was
living in, in my own marriage. My situation gave me very little to be happy about. It was during
that time that I had 2 choices, be miserable and see life as “owing” me
something (like the people who were around me) or look for goodness everywhere and be thankful for what I
have been given. I don’t give up without a fight, so the latter was the only
option for me. I found myself going from a negative thinker to a positive thinker. I
managed to slowly forge another path by catching myself in the negative moment
and telling myself to find some good in it. While I wasn't able to get my spouse to adopt my way of finding gratitude, it has helped me to move through some very difficult times, made my journey less dark and the future more positive.
Some have said, “Maybe you made it
through because of your circumstances.” No, I do not give credit to an abusive
situation. I made it through in spite of my circumstances and I certainly don’t
give credit to abusive people.
When we practice giving thanks for
all we have, instead of complaining about what we lack, we give ourselves the
chance to see all of life as an opportunity and a blessing. We are not entitled
to have things; learn to appreciate.
Of course gratitude isn’t a
blindly optimistic approach in which the bad things in life are glossed over or
ignored, it’s more a matter of where we put our focus and attention. Pain and
injustice exist in this world, but when we focus on the gifts of life, we gain
a feeling of well-being. Gratitude balances us and gives us hope.
There are many things to be
grateful for: your wife, family, colorful autumn leaves, legs that work, friends,
a place to live, a job, food to eat, warm jackets, the ability to read, your
health. What’s on your list?
Ways to
Practice Gratitude
• Keep
a gratitude journal or a list that is visible to you, every day. List things
for which you are thankful. Make daily,
weekly or monthly lists. Greater frequency may be better for creating a new habit,
but just keeping that journal or list where you can see it, will remind you to
think in a grateful way.
• Make a gratitude montage or book by drawing or
compiling pictures.
• Practice
gratitude as part of your nighttime routine for yourself and your wife, or, if
you have them, with your children. Practice it around the dinner table. The
sincerity can be very touching to others.
• Find the hidden blessing or learning experience in a
challenging situation.
• Notice how gratitude is impacting your life. Write
about it, express thanks for gratitude.
As you
practice, an inner shift begins to occur, and you may be pleased to discover
how content and hopeful you are feeling. That sense of fulfillment is gratitude
at work. It is a great way to learn humility and to be a much happier person,
all around.
© 2012
LifeSights.us
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