Finally! I'm getting this thing going! What started out as sharing my story on www.a-ready-heart.blogspot.com, has evolved to this blog where I will concentrate more on topics related to relationships and becoming who YOU are comfortable with and most wanting (and needing) to be! The only way I know how to relate is by sharing things I have learned in my own relationships, whether it be marriage, friendship, family, etc. I'm pretty open and honest. I don't believe I have anything to be ashamed of...we all have more in common and make a lot of the same mistakes, than we often admit.
The great thing about coaching is being able to use self-disclosure to show that I have been there...I know how things can seem insurmountable and incredibly unfair (and sometimes they ARE). The toughest thing I had to learn, among many things, was I only had myself. Sure we all have to learn that but it's usually from a launching point of a home base, with the support of some family. Some of us didn't have that. I had to be self-assured, be my own cheerleader; to re-script all of the negativity and labels that I heard about myself growing up; to address every single negative word or statement that I said to myself; to treat myself with kindness when addressing any mistake or weakness that had me stumbling on my way to being the best person I can be. Yet, in being kind, I had to be sure that I wasn't making excuses for not moving forward. I didn't want to become complacent, break a little too long. Basically, I had to learn how to parent myself because, essentially my parents could not. I had to do it all while parenting 3 little children and in a marriage in big trouble. That's not an insult to anyone, it's just the reality of it all.
That's a really tall order but I did it!!
I did the toughest work over the course of about the last 3 years, on my own. I read anything I could get my hands on to understand myself and not knock myself for anything. If it was critical, I didn't read it. It had to have compassion and encouragement, yet not treat me as if I was broken. For a while I jumped from counselor to counselor, to psychologist to psychiatrist for my marriage but it was ultimately the work that I chose to do and only my judgment that I truly trusted, over anyone and anything else, that really made ALL of the difference (years and years before, I worked with a psychologist about my child abuse issues).
I do have one counselor now, who I finally found that I can trust, she happens to work with the kids. She acts like a coach herself, treating me as an equal and totally respecting how hard I work on myself. She also assured me that the "professionals" I had gone to and rightly ditched, had hurt more than helped. She knows I don't need to be fixed but to be validated and encouraged, moving through all that has happened with my marriage and it coming to an end. I do not need or want to focus, any more, on my past.
I'm still always going to be improving but I've come through the very toughest parts now and I have a clear sight on what I'm fighting for...to be as open and honest as I can and accept who I am, while never being a victim. In being so open about my life, it has brought a lot of support and sharing from friends but it has also brought out some behavior in others that allowed me to test my ability to set some strong limits for what I will tolerate from others, no matter who they are. I discovered my tolerance is very low for disrespect and I love it, I have much more self respect than I ever imagined!
I'm so excited to be able to share what I thought I had to do on my own. If only I had known about coaching, I was so disillusioned with the lack of support and disrespect I kept getting. I would go in so motivated and excited to move forward, anxious to be encouraged and learn how to cultivate what I already knew, yet I'd leave very frustrated and shut down. I had no freedom over my own life. That was no way to move forward. I was looking for help in the wrong profession.
